The Tissot Timekeeping Award

You’ve just won your first two caps for your country, you’ve scored three tries in the process and you’re the toast of your country’s rugby fans – all you need to do now is turn up to training and go through the motions, and you’ll be guaranteed a spot in the team for the near future. Sadly, France’s Teddy Thomas couldn’t quite manage that, missing a session and duly being dropped. His only saving grace could be that France were so bad in his absence, he’ll likely be expedited straight back into the team.

The Beret and Onions Cliché Award

France were absolutely dire against Australia in the summer, and yet they beat them this autumn and also trounced Fiji. You’d expect them to back those two up with a win over Argentina, who had already had their defence picked apart by Scotland (SCOTLAND!), right? Wrong. Their autumn was the very definition of a Gallic shrug of the shoulders.

The Creative Construction Award for replacing a midfield with a brick wall, sponsored by Balfour Beatty

This one doesn’t need too much explanation – Stuart Lancaster and Andy Farrell, come on down!

@bloodandmud Walking through Trafalgar Square this morning and saw Farrell and Barritt practising for Saturday. pic.twitter.com/BMIV7Rukdm

— Matt (@dinoma) November 20, 2014

The Carrie Matheson Award for Misguided Bombs

Had to get a Homeland reference in here didn’t we? If you don’t like Homeland and you don’t get this reference then I strongly suggest you rectify that by watching it ASAP. This one goes to Danny Care for his terrible box-kicking against New Zealand.

The Kieron Dyer/Lee Bowyer award for having no trust in your teammates

Kieron Dyer recently came out and said the reason he didn’t pass to Lee Bowyer in that fateful Newcastle/Aston Villa game in 2005 was that, well, he just thought he was a bit rubbish, really. This annoyed Bowyer, who duly tried to knock his head off. You could forgive the Australian backs for understanding Dyer’s predicament – surely there must be times when they wish they could bypass their forwards altogether?

The Chumbawumba Award for Getting Back Up Again

There was a brilliant moment from Samoa’s Census Johnstone when, against Italy, he swotted a physio away to stand up, make a tackle without moving more than a couple of metres, before promptly plodding himself back down and continuing his treatment. It’s exactly what Chumbawumba were singing about.

Video credit: Habi Aftabi

The Discovery Channel MythBusters Award for proving you can flog a dead horse

Vern Cotter has managed to produce some very respectable performances from largely the same group of players that have been pretty much dire for about three years. Scotland looked fluid in attack and scored some genuinely exciting tries – using their backs and everything! Cotter is probably the most well-deserved winner on here.

By Jamie Hosie (@jhosie43) and James Hutchison (@Hutch_James)

Photo by: Patrick Khachfe / Onside Images