Week three of the Rugby World Cup and another page of this nonsense. Let’s look at the good, the bad and the rugby that fell out of the ugly tree, banging its head on every branch.

Pooper Scoopers

Shall we get this out the way? The hosts are out of the Rugby World Cup. With Wales beating Fiji midweek, an old and familiar foe turned up at England’s front door on Saturday night and showed them exactly how to party. Bernard Foley scored all but five of the Aussies’ 33 points, the Antipodean scrum found life hilarious and Hooper and Pocock led an abrasive and pick-pocketing breakdown.

It didn’t bounce in any shape or form for the men in white and Stuart Lancaster’s men now have the previously unthinkable prospect of a dead rubber against Uruguay to look forward to. Expect changes to be made, lots of fantastic tries to be scored and everyone who owns a remote control to lament the previous two games. Oh, what could have been.

Georgia on my mind

On Friday night, New Zealand pulled themselves away from crazy golf to take on the mighty Georgians. Uncomplicated and strangely alluring, the former Soviet state are becoming many people’s second favourite team. And after a battling performance against the best team in the world, you can understand why. Talismanic Mamuka Gorgodze was voted man of the match and on hearing the announcement, in a touching display of genuine humility, looked as though he might cry.

Not so lovely was a poorly organised Mexican wave that went round the stadium. The top tier got completely out of sync with the bottom tier and it all looked a bit amateur. This has probably got something to do with scheduled rest days, so fear not, I have tweeted World Rugby CEO Brett Gosper.

Hard hits and hissy fits

South Africa and Scotland came together on Saturday afternoon and battered more than mars bars in an incredibly fiery contest in Newcastle. Tommy Seymour’s length of the field effort shook St. James’ Park to its footballing foundations; however, the ‘Boks remained steadfast.

It was a bone-shuddering eighty minutes and yet there still was opportunity for both Stuart Hogg and Bryan Habana to throw themselves to the floor in histrionics. Nigel Owens had a characteristic word with Hogg: “If you wanna come back here in two weeks’ time you can do that sort of thing”. Scotland are poised for the knockout rounds and I’m just glad I made it through this whole paragraph without referring to them as Sweaties; I got in trouble last time.

Arigatou

Samoa play a very physical game and it was no surprise to any seasoned World Cup viewer that they ended up down to 13 men against Japan, with two in the bin for dangerous play. Referee Craig Joubert awarded just the second penalty try of the tournament (after Jaco Peyper’s effort in the opening game, which won him a jetski and a caravan off Wayne Barnes) and Japan continue to look enchanting. Their tireless endeavour was summed up by Akihito Yamada, who pirouetted beautifully for his try and then later knocked himself unconscious and went home on a stretcher; nice work if you can get it.

Japan play USA on Saturday, with the Yanks also having to take on South Africa on Wednesday; Scotland have to overcome Samoa to make sure of a quarterfinal place. I won’t be alone in thinking I’d like Japan to usurp them. What a revelation the Brave Blossoms have been, they should all take a bow. Oh, they did.

A win is a win

Italy played Ireland and, revived by the addition of the wonderful Sergio Parisse to their side, rediscovered some of the attractive form which has seen them play such an effective part in recent Six Nations campaigns. In what was a sticky encounter at the Olympic stadium, every Irish pundit talked about the win being the most important thing and that is what Ireland got, just. Sexton looked sexy but on the whole you got the feeling the Paddies were holding something back for the blockbusting encounter against France next weekend; whoever wins avoids the All Blacks. Game on!

TMO watch

Peter Mahony (IRE), Faifili Levave (SAM) and Jannie du Plessis (SA) all received yellow cards for their dangerous ‘tackles’/clear outs and yet when Michael Hooper smashed into Michael Brown, everyone had another good look at it, but found nothing doing. We really need to sort out the consistency of decisions; it could ruin a very important game soon. And, as a Welshman, I think we should look at banning Michael Hooper, you know, just for one game.

Feet of God

Argentina beat Tonga to stay on course as RWC dark horses, with both sides cooking up some delicious egg-chasing. And then, who should turn up in their changing room but a man with one of the most famous hands in English sport. Ironically, Diego Maradonna (dressed like your grandad would have been had he been told to go to TKMaxx and buy a tracksuit) then proceeded to kick a rugby ball around showing a surprising lack of skill. The Pumas loved it though; mucking around with a sporting legend is what a Rugby World Cup is all about. Ask any New Zealand midget.

Until next time people, keep rugbying.

By Sam Roberts (@samrobertsrugby)

Photo by: Patrick Khachfe / Onside Images