Right, two mighty weekends in a row, I could get used to this. Let’s have a look at the good, the bad and the laughably unusual of Rugby World Cup’s second weekend.
Infidel speaks
Having abused female tennis players and got terribly mixed up with the type of glasses someone was wearing, John Inverdale was allowed to set about Danny Cipriani on Saturday afternoon. Sporting a newly rinsed shade of blue, Invers cocked his eye at the man many feel should be in Lancaster’s squad and threw a very unfair hand grenade his way.
“Danny, who do you think should be playing No.10 for England?”
Cippers didn’t shout, swallowed his pride and sidestepped the question with characteristic ease. He has probably noted down the Infidel’s number plate mind you. All of this England chat while a rather good game of rugby was taking place. There are 19 other teams playing in this competition, you do know that, don’t you ITV?
Dancing in the Moonlight
Canada reinvigorated themselves on Saturday afternoon and just missed out on a well-earned win against an Italian side still not firing on all cylinders; DTH van der Merwe scored a wonderful try in less time than it takes to say his full name; Matt Evans scorched down the left wing for his eye-catching effort; and Phil MacKenzie was cruelly denied a crucial score as referee George Clancy invoked the TMO to look at a forward pass.
One of the best things the Italians did was bring on Mauro Bergamasco for his fifth World Cup; luckily for us all it wasn’t at scrum half and we marvelled at his longevity and the fact he’s turning into Jacques Burger. Also, the Canadians had a player called John Moonlight playing for them; his usual job is playing sevens rugby but here he was employed in the fifteen a side version of the game. I couldn’t think of a suitable pun around his name however.
Nanai Nanoo
Talking of the TMO, it was back to its old tricks again in the South Africa Samoa game. It spoke up to rob Samoa of a lovely try (yes it was forward but that’s not the point) and yet when it looked at the grounding of Schalk Burger’s score, said nothing. Otherwise, South Africa finally played some rugby and disposed of the tricky South Sea Islanders with some neatly taken tries.
Samoa could only manage two Stanley penalties for all their hard work but made history with three Pisi brothers taking the field (I know you think I’m going to make a joke about the fourth brother Easy, but I’m not). Samoa face the tricky task of Japan and then Scotland to reach the quarter-finals, and the sooner they switch Tim Nanai-Williams to 10, the better (to be fair, this is Brendan Gallagher’s idea). He is glorious to watch, much like his cousin Sonny Bill and his name sake, the late great Robin Williams. That is why they called him Nanai isn’t it?
The Biggar they come
And so to the small matter of Saturday night. 11.5 million tuned in as England played Wales at a time normally reserved for crying rejects and Simon Cowell. And if Syco productions did rugby games, they’d probably make one a little like this. It all seemed to go to plan for England right up until it didn’t. Lancaster’s men mullered the Welsh and yet couldn’t find a way to pull ahead. Dan Biggar, the man with the ADHD kicking routine, kept pegging them bag and when Gareth Davies latched on to the other scrum half’s (they had two on the field by this stage) cross-field grubber, the scores were level.
Wales were experiencing such injury problems Gatland had started picking people out of the crowd; yet as we entered the final throes of the game, Biggar had the temerity to land his biggest kick of the night. The clock crept towards eighty as England enjoyed one last foray; Garces awarded a penalty within kickable range but Robshaw and England headed for the corner. The line out throw was inexplicably short and Wales bundled them into touch. A famous victory, which left Twickenham aghast and many fans supposing that this was all Jeremy Corbyn’s fault. England play Australia next Saturday night whilst Wales take on Fiji on Thursday. Rumour has it, Gareth Bale is available.
Jock strapped
Sunday served up the rather straightforward process of Australia easing past Uruguay and both Scotland and Ireland taking their second steps in the competition. Scotland v USA had a first half from a joke we’d heard before, but a change in the front row for the Jocks stopped the Eagles feathering their nest. Against a spirited but ultimately blunt looking US team, Scotland just had too much knowhow and in truth, look like a side slowly getting to grips with this competition. Good job they’ve only got Samoa and South Africa left in the group stages. The injury to Finn Russell, who limped off with a heavily bandaged ankle, is certainly a worry. As are their slow starts in matches. The ‘Sweaties’ will be sweating. See, you thought I wouldn’t get it in.
You can take the boys out of Ireland…
If Sunday evenings aren’t confusing enough, Romania thought they’d bugger everybody about and dress up like Fiji. Such shenanigans didn’t stop Ireland dispatching the robust Eastern Europeans to the tune of forty points; Keith Earls and Tommy Bowe both grabbed a pair of tries and a world record crowd of 89,267 turned up at Wembley to watch it (cue your uncle ranting about opening the doors at Dover).
Gag of the weekend goes to a group of Ireland supporters who took it upon themselves to claim that Michael Collins and Padraig Pearse needed to make themselves known to Wembley stewards. Having tried the same stunt in Cardiff airport last week, this time a message went up on the big screen at the home of English football and all those with a thorough knowledge of early twentieth century Irish politics laughed. Oh what fun we are having.
A tearful addendum
We end on a sad note. Jean de Villiers, one of the most dashing and skilful, let alone lovely, South African centres to ever play the game announced his international retirement after sustaining a broken jaw in the Samoa game. He did not chose to summon any Fijian witch doctor or cryogenic therapy, he just called time on a career and a body which has sustained more knocks than Sir Donald Bradman’s favourite bat. I will miss him, for he is the player I see, when I close my eyes and imagine myself playing test match rugby. Peace be with you JDV.
Until next time.
By Sam Roberts (@samrobertsrugby)
Photo by: Patrick Khachfe / Onside Images
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Sam, it’s worth pointing out that many Scots find the terms ‘jock’ and ‘sweatie’ to be offensive, me included.
Not good.
From a man going under the nom de plume of scotland supposed favorite soft beverage thats quite the observation!
And I am a sweatie jock myself.
Not wanting to hark on about England’s missed opportunity, but let’s not forget the second line out where wriggles inexplicably knocked on, just as much to blame as the short throw.
I’m a little unsure with Scotland and Ireland, both playing really well but haven’t really been tested.
Hope we all find a way to qualify but seems unlikely!